Ok guys, enough. just to make things clear once and for all: THERE IS NO CREAM IN CARBONARA! just eggs, pecorino, parmigiano (and not parmiGGiano, like Jamie effing oliver writes it), pepper, guanciale and, I do add it, garlic. I personally love rigatoni to go with the sauce. Others like penne or spaghetti.
Here we go:
(this is for 2-3 people)
- start put a lot of water in a big pot and start boiling it
- take some oil, fry in a thingy of garlic and, when nicely golden, add the guanciale (3-4 slices cut in small pieces or cubes) and fry it until the fat has turned transparent. If you can’t find guanciale (I miss it, god if I miss it), use the best possible bacon you can put your hands on.
- while the pig is frying, break an egg in a bowl, start beating it (poor fellah) and add the grated cheese. Enough that the whole thing becomes dense and thick, but not as much as to turn the egg into a clump (I usually add.. boh… enough). Add enough pepper to make he cream start looking darkish. If you feel daring, you can add an extra egg red, for more taste.
- I am starting to realise that I have no clue on the amounts I use.. all done by eye. Sorry about it.

Now, we have the bacon ready, the egg/cheese/pepper “sauce” ready. Water is boiling, add salt in the water and then throw the pasta (half a kilo should suffice). One minute the pasta is ready, drain it aaaaaaaaaaaaannnd, here comes the hard part (and this is why philistines use cream):

- quickly toss the pasta in the sauce bowl and mix it quite rapidly
- toss the whole thing in the frying pan where the bacon is and mix th whole thing even more rapidly. The point here is to avoid turning the egg into an omelette. Should remain creamy and gooey. You can appreciate why incompetent cooks prefer to use the damned cream. Won’t omelettise
- Once you are happy with the creamyness of the egg, serve hot, with a bottle of red

I just realise this was a lousy way of explaining the dish, but I am tired. Next time I make it, I’ll take a few pictures and measures, so that I’ll be a bit more professional.

And, BTW, this here IS NOT carbonara:

Here’s the setup. I am happily watching “Ramsay’s kitchen nightmares” on the telly, when Gordon Ramsey start declining italian dishes. Felt like fingernails on a blackboard: Brushetta, Ghnokee, Taghliatelleee, Fettucceeneee.

Oy! Gordon! Noo! ohnoohnohno! You have almost 10 Michelin stars for your fine restaurants all over the world. Learn the jargon, Jimmee!

So, here’s a wee lesson. Let’s start with the basics:

- “Ch” in Italian is pronounced like a “k”. It’s brusketta and not brushetta. Mocha is moka.

- an “e” is always pronounced like in the spanish word “que”. Not “eeee”. It’s fettuccinay, not fettuccinee. Same for linguine.

- “gn” is like the spanish “ñ”. It is ñocchi and not ghnocchi.

- Get a reality check: you’ll never learn to say parmiggiano properly. Just call it Parmesan cheese. not parmejian, or however you pronounce that.

- Few words that english speaking people tend to use in a way that we find quite funny are “prosciutto”, “gelato” and “biscotti”. It’s like going to a buthcer and ask for “meat”. Yeah, right, but what kind/animal/cut? Prosciutto means ham, gelato means ice-cream and biscotti means cookies. Quite general and broad items, right?

What really craks me up is to go to the local starbucks (I know, sometimes it’s the only place to get coffe in longwood) and see how marketing works. Why is it that a “small coffee” is called “grande”? Grande means big. wtf? moccaccino, frappuccino, whatthefrackkino is all that crap?

Anyway, it’s late… I am talking crap, as usual. Need to feed the young one as his 23:00 bottle is approaching. Talk to yous later for some more rambling about coffee and maybe another receipe.

Tschuess

BRUSKETTA!!!! not brushetta… ‘cazozza, ma e’ cosi difficile da capire?